I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
