He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
