I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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