I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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