thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
