u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
