i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
