He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
