Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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