Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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