I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
