Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
