fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
