Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
