Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
