We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm too high and old for this...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
