Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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