I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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