so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
