once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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