Umm I'm too high to move.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
