4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
