This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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