I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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