I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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