my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
