He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
