Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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