i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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