My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize