Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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