Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
