The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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