duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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