Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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