My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
