i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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