she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
