This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
