Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize