If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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