Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
