Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
