i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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