He is like the real live version of the state fair..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
