it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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