She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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