just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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