You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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