After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
