Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
