Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
