Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
