i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I want is dick and wine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
