She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
