dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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