he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
