Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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