I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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