I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
