exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we're making bets on your personal life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
