I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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