i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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