i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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