You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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