i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
